Two years ago tomorrow, M and I said our vows to each other.

It was a morning wedding (possibly best idea ever).  We gathered early at our beautiful church on Capitol Hill, had the full Anglican communion service and then headed out to the brunch reception on the banks of the Potomac River.  It rained on and off, but that made it all the more beautiful.

We left the next day for a two week stay on the Mediterranean coast of Croatia, with a stop in Paris and a little time spent inland.  I still dream about returning to these places one day again soon.

The trip was a whirlwind.  The next twelve months of our lives were a whirlwind.  I've lost count now, but counting from the day of our wedding, we went to something like ten weddings in the course of the next year.  And then there was the applying to grad school and then the planning for a move halfway across the country and then actually making the move, and then settling in, adjusting to the new nature of long-distance friendships, finding a job, finding a new community.

"Two years" sounds so little when we say it to each other- and yet in the best of ways, it seems like so much longer than that.  It's hard for me to now remember my life without M in it (we started dating in 2006, so apparently my memory only holds good for about 4 years).  I know my life before having M in it was good, but I also know that it fundamentally changed- and fundamentally changed me- when he entered.

I love my husband more than I can even try to express.  I cannot imagine my life without him; even thinking about a day without him makes me get emotional.  He is the strongest man I know, and yet also one of the most humble (maybe that's where the strength comes from).  He's ridiculously smart but doesn't have to prove himself to anyone, even when I want him to (which, let's be honest, happens a lot).  He is a calming force.  He is hilariously funny.  He will be such a wonderful father one day.  He is a great, great cook.  He loves Florida football.  He makes me work out and play tennis, even when I don't really want to.  He is a man who lives every day trying to figure out what his faith means in the world he lives in; he is a man after God's heart.

So here's to these two years.  May the joy of the first two continue- and grow- for the many years to come.

A Respite

The University of Chicago at dusk.

A Holy Disappointment

It's an odd phrase, that's for sure.

And yet I believe it is a "holy disappointment" that God is cultivating in me- a disappointment that I have no doubt Christ felt concerning His followers during His own life here on earth.  (And I dare say we have plenty of evidence to assume that God had a bit of that same feeling toward Israel.)  

It's a disappointment that we, the (American, middle/upper class) church, are so often more focused on our own personal development than on the spreading of the Gospel through love and good deeds.  A disappointment that we care more about talking about romantic relationships than talking about God's concern and command to love and serve others.  (God does care about romantic relationships and personal development.  I'm sure of it.  But from what I can tell from His Word, He's got a lot more He wants to do in us and through us than that.)  It's a holy disappointment that so many of us are missing out on the Spirit-filled life- one that produces great fruit- because we are too consumed by the rest of the stuff around us.  It's a disappointment that while many churches are doing the good works that give life to faith, so many more are not.

It's a disappointment that Satan sometimes uses to paralyze me, to make me cynical and sarcastic.  And yet it is a disappointment that- when I allow God to really use it- drags me to my knees as I beg God to make us- ME- better followers of Him.

And ultimately, it is a disappointment that reminds me of what's so great about the cross.  That God would allow His Son to die for people like you and me who- by ourselves- are pretty darn disappointing, even on our best days.  This disappointment reminds me that things are not as they should be- and yet there is a way that things can be made right.  There will be a day when things are made right.

And while I long for the day when there is no longer a need for holy disappointment, I will allow God to cultivate this holy disappointment in me today, that I- and we- might better serve Him.