Comcast Math

So I've written before about my pure, unadulterated hatred of Comcast. (See below. I don't know how to link to it). I know, I know, we could choose to not have cable and get internet from someone else. But it's just so much work, you know? And I would rather just whine.

M and I decided that, because our "six month promotional rate" was about to double to a three-digit bill, we would contact Comcast and cancel our cable. Besides, I watch WAY too much HGTV and, according to M, "trash" on Bravo. I'm sorry, I find Millionaire Matchmaker an amazing anthropologic study of our society and relationships.

Since they make it impossible to cancel online, that meant the ever-dreaded phone call. I dialed the number and, after choosing the "If you are thinking about dropping your service button" (I'm not THINKING people, I'm DOING), a very sweet older lady came on the phone.

Me: "Hi, we currently have cable and internet and would like to cancel our cable."

Her: "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that (and she actually sounded like she was. Where do they get these people??) Is there any specific reason?"

Me: "Well, I think it's robbery that we pay so much for a service when we have no other choices in cable and only one or two in internet providers. It's a monopoly, ma'am. Or at least an oligopoly." (Or something along those lines)

Her: "I understand. Well let me take a look at your account and see what I can do."

Me: "Uh, well, we really just want to cancel it."

Her: "Ok, hold please."

Intermission of, not kidding, at least seven minutes. I think they do that in the hopes that you'll get fed up and just hang up.

Her: "Hello, ma'am. I'm back! Would you like to add phone service?"

Me: "What? No! I want to cancel my damn cable!!!"

Her: "Ok, well, if you were to cancel your cable, your bill just for the internet would be $70. If you decide, instead, to take up another six months of our promotional offer, we could make your bill for cable and internet $77, inclusive."

Me: "Cable internet costs $70?"

Her: "Plus tax."

Me: "So we can KEEP our cable and our internet, and pay approximately the same price as we would for just internet."

Her: "Well. Yes."

Me: "Since I don't even want to get into a discussion about your apparently very large profit margin on each and every service that you supply, we'll just keep the cable. And in the meantime, look for internet that is much, much cheaper. Somewhere. Hopefully."

Her: "Great! And thanks for choosing Comcast!"

Me: "But I DIDN'T choose Comcast! You guys-"

Her: "Click."

I'm still trying to figure out who won here: me or Comcast?

I'm betting on Comcast.