Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Hoop Dreams



There’s something quite powerful about a game of basketball.  I have seen men, beaten down by a system that is eight parts punishment and one part rehabilitation (on a good day), play their heart out on the court and- for at least a few minutes- forget that their life exists behind bars.  Despite media representations of trash talk, big egos and even larger attitudes, the men I know work hard as a team, operating as one cohesive unit, offering encouragement and support, and playing one damn good game of basketball.

In a culture that so often defines people by what they do, it’s important for men such as these to believe they are good at something, something other than the illegal activity that usually defines them.  Most of these guys are known on the street for their ability to push drugs or manipulate women or rob the right drug dealer.  Sure, basketball isn’t a great thing for most of these guys to be defined by either, since few (if any) will make a career of it.  But it’s a step in the right direction.

Basketball is just a game.  But it’s a game that has the power to affirm men who are so rarely affirmed for anything else positive.  It’s a breeding ground for teamwork and hard work.  It has the power to- even for a few minutes- remove a man from the realities of his life..  To feel his heart beat fast, to feel his muscles aching, to sprint for his life.  But for once, not on the streets...on the court. 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Does your girlfriend know that? and A Word for women

One of the questions I have to ask when I interview an incarcerated individual for my program is "Are you married or in a committed relationship?"

Nine times out of ten, especially if I've put on makeup and brushed my hair that day (and most times that doesn't even matter), the answer is, "Oh, definitely no."  I knowingly smile and move on to the next question.

Interestingly, it always seems to be these same guys who have visits from young females who love to hug them, hold their hands and bring their children to come and see their daddies.  Oh yeah, and they bring them Wendy's or pizza or whatever it is they're craving that day.  And they put money in their accounts, buy them shoes and get them metro cards.

The thing is, I'm tempted every time I see these girls to ask them that same question...are you married or in a committed relationship?  Because I have a feeling I would get quite a different answer.  And then- in this world where I would actually ask this question to females I don't know at all- I would follow it up with the following sequence of comments.

1.  Your man is a scumbag, who won't even admit to someone that he's in a relationship.  And you do what for him?

2.  Buying him shoes, food or other things will not make him faithful to you.  In fact, another girl is probably visiting him on the days you can't come by because you work two jobs to provide for your children.

3.  You deserve more than this.  Maybe you believe you're complete trash.  But you're not.  Respect yourself enough to not give him everything he wants all the time (whether that be things or your body or what have you).

Don't get me wrong; there are some gentlemen I work with who truly love their wives and/or significant others.  But most days, what I see is young girls offering themselves to be used by guys who don't give a flip about them.  Unfortunately, too many of these girls end up pregnant and alone or grasping at anything and everything possible to get this guy to stick around, to love them.  Most days, I don't get the opportunity to talk to these young girls about what they're doing.

But what I can do- and do as often as possible- is remind the guys here that those girls who sacrifice so much for you?  Who gave you children?  They're someone's daughter.  They're someone's treasure.  They're Someone's creation.  And whether you want to be with them long-term or not, at least have the decency to treat them with an ounce of the respect that you so desperately seek yourself.  You don't have to love them.  You don't have to be with them.  But you have to respect them.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Around the House

When you rent an apartment (even when it feels like your rent is higher than 90% of the country's mortgage payments), there's a tendency to not really make it your own.  "We won't live here THAT long" or "It's not ours anyways" somehow become excuses for blank walls, boring spaces and general malaise toward decorating.

Let me be clear.  When it comes to our rented apartment, I = malaise.

But in an effort to make our rented apartment feel a little bit more like a home (we did move in back in July, after all) M finally framed and hung some of our favorite pictures of the Chicago's World Fair.

What you can't see in this picture are the high-hanging light bulbs that need to be replaced

And yesterday, after getting rid of four large trash bags of clothing from our closet, I 1) organized my clothing by color, 2) did two loads of laundry, and 3) marveled at how productive I was being.

And now, NOW, I can hear M upstairs cleaning the bathroom.  I would go up there, but I surely don't want to distract him.  I mean, I am probably more effective sitting here blogging than helping.  Because who likes help when they clean?  Certainly not me.  I prefer to do everything by myself, so that I can complain later that I had to do everything by myself.

Because the reality is that, whether you rent, own, squat or whatever, where you live is your home and should- at least I think- reflect in some ways the things you love.  We've chosen to decorate our home with paintings and pictures that we've gathered on our travels: a large painting of a cityscape from Croatia, another of pomegranates from Bosnia, two small paintings from Slovenia (though I'm not really sure the meaning behind the one where it looks like a housewife is being washed after talking to a devil...) and other art, gathered from around the world.  We have pictures of our families, books we love and mirrors picked up at the local flea market.  

So maybe we don't own it, and maybe we won't live here forever.  But we're working to make this little apartment in DC our home, by the things we put on the walls, the people we invite in and the love that we share with each other during this unique time in our lives.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Thankful

This time last year, Mason and I were unsure what exactly we would be doing a few months down the road.  And by "unsure" I mean "completely stressed out and emotional because we had no idea what was going on."

But then God- because that's who I believe was at work- ended up leading not one but both of us to jobs that could not have been better fitted to us and, AND the city that we love.  About a year away from that time of stress, we are both able to look back now and see the clear hand of God in this move back to Capitol City.


And it reminds me: sometimes when you're in those deep moments of despair, when you just can't seem to figure out what the hell, I mean HECK, is going on, it's good to remember these times when you have been provided for.  And not just provided for, but blessed the freaking socks off of.  

That's a technical term.

I'm weary of the "health and wealth Gospel," as if God wants all His children to be multi-millionaires who never get hurt or sick or laid off or always get exactly what they want or...whatever.  But I also know that God is ultimately good, and that He often times works the most in my heart when I am petrified stiff, scared or unsure of what in the world is going on.  

And I'm thankful for that.


Friday, March 16, 2012

Hey, I have a blog!

Somewhere around November of this year, our lives kicked into overdrive.

Chalk it up to our international travels...

Or maybe our domestic ones...


And craziness at work for me...

And Mason...
(No, he's not a mason.  Ok, he IS a Mason but not a Freemason.)

And what you're left with is a woefully under updated blog.

And, if I'm really honest, it's been an emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausting few months, with lots of internal processing, thinking, wrestling (figurative, mostly) and trying to understand the realities of the things I face every day at work.

But I'm back.  I can't promise much more than a few posts a month, and I don't even know if anyone is still around to read this thing.  But more posts are to come, many reflecting on incarceration, poverty, funny stories and other lighthearted moments.  

Because seriously, if you can't laugh, you might go crazy.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Hello Foot, Meet Mouth

One of the things I get to do at my job is help men and women obtain vital documentation such as a birth certificate, social security card, state ID or license.  I've practically become best buddies with the people at the MVA, and I've been known to call other states to try and get a birth certificate for someone who didn't know how to spell his mother's name.

Yesterday, I was helping Sally, a resident here, get her birth certificate.  Sally (not her real name) is in her thirties and a mother of seven- yes, seven- children.  She's hilariously funny, loves to cook and loves her children fiercly.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number to the Department of Health, as Sally sat in my office.

me: "Hi, my name is Liz and I work with incarcerated men and women.  I'm working with one young lady to help her get her birth control."

CRAP!  What did I just say?!!

"I mean birth CERTIFICATE, birth CERTIFICATE" I yelled into the phone, as the lady on the other end of the line died laughing.

Friday, September 23, 2011

We're just trying to be realistic

The other night- after a Sunday spent looking at houses- M and I put together a list of what we would want in a house.  Of course I had to share.


Priorities:
3+ bedrooms (2+ upstairs)
2+ bathrooms (1+ upstairs)
full basement with separate entry for rentable apartment
has NOT been fully renovated or flipped
back yard (or yard generally) large enough for garden
good bones (not more than 100k in renovations needed)
brick or wood exterior (not asbestos or vinyl siding)
front or back porch (covered)

Pluses:
1+ Fireplace
detached garage/workshop
basement with bath & kitchen included already
detached single family home
original wood floors in good condition
second story porch
central air
large master bath
Jacuzzi out back
Wine cellar
Sauna
55 bedrooms
indoor water slide
horse
original maid and butler
dungeon
trap doors
library
money bin
treasure (preferably enough to cover the rest of the cost of the house)
chapel and chaplain
brewery
distillery
smokehouse
tobacco curing shack
teepee

Let's be honest here: the original maid and butler are non-negotiable, people.  And I'm hoping that I'll finally, FINALLY, get to actually keep a horse at my house, like I used to beg my parents for.