A HPH take on the Royal Wedding

Did you hear?  Prince William married his long-time girlfriend, Catherine Elizabeth Middleton!!!  I know, I was completely shocked when I heard it, too; I mean there had been NOTHING on the news for weeks, no months, about the blessed event.  And in true British royal style, a small, intimate affair was completely pulled off without even a hint to the mass media.  Yet again, the royal family has succeeded in keeping their laundry (dirty or otherwise) out of the public eye.

Right.

So what did we here at Hyde Park Heroes think of the wedding?  I'm so glad you asked!  Because I am a true connoisseur (yes, that's spelled right) of all things royal as of, well, yesterday, I thought I would fill you in on my thoughts on the matter.

1.  It's a ghost!

When Kate first stepped out of her hotel into her sweet ride, I thought "Oh, she's borrowing Grace Kelly's dress!  What a symbolic gesture to the hundreds of thousands of Americans who care more about this wedding than the Brits do!  And what a great way to save cash in troubled times!"  Upon closer examination, of course, I realized that while the dress did look strikingly similar to the former Queen of Monaco's 1950s look, Kate's dress was beautiful in and of itself.  I really do mean that.  And of course showed a lot more skin.  Which is always appropriate for a wedding, right?  I mean have you ever seen "Say Yes to the Dress"?  Especially that see-through "looks like lingerie dress" that all the Jersey girls love?  Classy.  We've come a long way in 50 years...

2.  Can't see the forest for the trees

While I like to think that the trees that were brought into Westminster Abbey made the whole affair look a little more, well, "British country shabby chic" I would have been SO PISSED if I was one of the guests who had flown in from Lesotho or Israel or the Jersey Shore or wherever and was stuck looking at a stupid British tree.  Wow, it's a oakus maximus.  How thoroughly boring.

3.  Not his best side

I get that dear William isn't supposed to watch his bride walk up the aisle (which, good Lord, took long enough!  Get there already!)  Unfortunately, it also gave us a 3 1/2 minute view of his bald spot.  Poor guy; each day he looks more like his fuddy duddy father (are you allowed to say that about the future King?  Of course!  That's why we fought the revolution!)  Someone get this man some Rogaine! 

4.   See no evil, hear no evil...

I literally laughed out loud when I saw this picture.

Not because kiss one and two were both slightly awkward, but because of the priceless face (and hand placement) of the little girl on the left.  Poor thing, it was so loud!  And besides, she's only like what, four?  Enough with all the pomp and circumstance already.  Someone get that girl a lollipop.

5.  I think someone wore this to prom

I'm sure Pippa is a nice, sweet, ladylike young woman, even if her name is horrible.  But I'm also pretty sure that I saw this very same dress at our high school prom in 2000.  Is she going retro?

______________________________

Ok, ok, I've been a little harsh (and I haven't even mentioned the ridiculous fascinators worn by some members of the royal family).  But when we spend so much time thinking and talking about one royal wedding, we're inviting in a few snarky comments.  That said, it truly was a beautiful day and, hopefully, a sign of good to come for the royal family.  More importantly, I think it would do us good to remember the words of the Anglican priest who gave the homily:

Every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future. 

Every wedding is about more than who wore what, what the flowers looked like or the hats that someone wore.  Every wedding reminds us of our place in creation.  Every wedding reminds us of the gift of oneness.  And ultimately, every wedding reminds us that we are the bride of Christ.

Now to pick out my tiara...