Not THAT word. “Budget”, reader. Dear Lord, this word makes me cringe. Mostly because it either makes me think of government appropriations time or massive numbers I can’t comprehend in my everyday life. But, God help us, they’re necessary.
In planning our move to Chicago, it’s become increasingly important to take a good, hard look at where our money goes. I think I’ve referenced this before, but we’re trying to keep ourselves to a budget to help us prepare for our drop from two salaries to one (M will be a full-time student at least for the first few quarters), but it’s certainly not easy and is actually a little embarrassing when you see where your money goes. While I’m sure you would all be enthralled for me to now pull out my checkbook and give you a line by line analysis of our finances, I’ll spare you. Instead, I’ll give you a little example of some of the things we’ve learned.
Food.
What happened to the $1 for a big helping of chicken biryani off the streets of Bangalore? (Granted, that might be why I got an intestinal worm. But, whatever.) A dinner out in DC rarely comes with a bill of less than $50. So let’s say you’re being really, really good and you go out to eat three times in one month (I don’t think we’ve ever actually done this, but we’ll pretend for a moment. By the way, DC has some really fantastic restaurants. Where you spend much more than $50 for dinner. Trust me.) That’s at least $150 spent on something that you can only have once and that is gone from your system in 24 hours. At the most. Then, of course, tack on to that the occasional work-day lunch at an average $8.50 per person. If you eat out every day in one work week because your wife doesn’t get up in time to make you a lunch (and you’re too busy sleeping)*, that’s $42.50, and double that if your wife does the same for herself. $85 a week for a crappy sandwich?! Say that happens a total of two weeks in a month, and that’s over $300 on eating out (adding together lunch and dinner). This doesn’t even begin to capture what you spend at your grocery store each week. Maybe we should look into weeks of fasting.
Alcohol.
Oh man, if only we were Southern Baptists who hated the firewater. Unfortunately, as our dear friend Matt says, we’re Whiskeypalians (or rather Bourbonicans) who appreciate the occasional drink with dinner, especially when eating out. But a glass of wine usually ranges from $7-$11 (more if you’re at a nice restaurant) and even a beer is pushing $7 these days. Maybe it’s just the types of restaurants we like. But dang, that’s a lot for a single drink. And it adds up, too. Say you go out three times in the month, as I proposed above, and you and your husband have two beers and two glasses of wine between the two of you. And your wife even decides to drink the cheap wine. That’s 28 EXTRA dollars per meal for alcohol alone. That’s over $80 a month for what amounts to six drinks (that aren’t even that big, anyway). If your husband EVER drinks bourbon out (cough, cough) that’s another $12- he doesn’t like the cheap stuff- to tack on. Sheesh.
Rent.
Gone are the days of living in a group house where you can pay $550. Actually, scratch that, because I don’t think my rent has EVER been that low. Sure, living in the city is cool and we wouldn’t have it any other way….but when I say what we pay in rent, most of our friends outside of Washington, DC (minus friends in New York) gasp and pass out. And we got a really good deal! Granted, we’ve heard gunshots outside, but that’s just part of life, right? Anyhow, add to that utilities (especially in the winter) and we’re talking about no small chunk of change.
And, reader, that’s just a few of our monthly expenses. Suddenly we’ve realized that our two salaries go much faster than we ever expected and living on just one, while also trying to not use all of the educational loans we’re offered, won’t exactly be as easy as we thought it would be. That said, I think it’s a lesson in priorities, and is teaching us that maybe we don’t need a lot of the things we thought we did. And at least it hasn’t killed us yet.
If I don’t post here for a few weeks, someone send out a search party.
* I should note that the husband in this story has been so amazing and has been making lunch for himself and his wife for the past two weeks because his wife is actually getting up early and going in to her office gym (yes, she has a gym in her office building) to work out. Pray this continues.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
I'm in the movie
That’s right, friends. M and I are GOING TO BE IN A MOVIE!
Now before you get too excited, let me explain. As you all saw from the previous post, my office building is being used for the Reese Witherspoon/Jack Nicholson/Owen Wilson/Paul Rudd movie currently being filmed in Washington, DC. Yesterday they started setting up for taping again, and this time they brought out the big guns. Lights EVERYWHERE. Literally, all over the block. Wardrobe rolled in. Director’s Trailer parked outside. Much more “stuff” than before. And taping was to begin that evening.
Being the naturally curious people that we are (cough cough), M and I decided that we would sit out on the patio at the restaurant next door to our office (Bobby Van’s) and “see what we could see” if you know what I mean. M studied film while in college, so he’s into the camera angles, etc etc etc. Let’s be honest though, people. I’m in to seeing the celebs. In case you hadn’t already figured that out. And in case I haven’t told you about my myriad of sightings. I know, I’m ridiculous. Whatever.
So we sat down on the patio in a prime “viewing” spot, ordered our drinks and…well, sat there. We watched really, really pissed off drivers trying to get around the massive light trucks. We saw them hose down the sidewalk (uh, what?) We saw attractive-looking people walk back and forth in front of us (apparently Paul Rudd stood right near our table, and I didn’t even notice…which a co-worker, who was also there, told me later). We watched big black SUVs pull up, then pull away. La dee da, what fun. M even saw the director (again, can you tell he actually cares about the “making” part of making a movie?)
Then, I think somewhere around the second drink, another big black SUV pulled up a couple yards in front of us. At this point it’s getting late so we know the “stars” are about to show up. And lo and behold, hopping out of the back of the SUV is cute, sweet Reese Witherspoon (and she is itsy bitsy). Hey, cool! And look, there’s Paul Rudd, who I actually recognize now! They’re making a movie!
So we began to wrap up our imbibing when we hear, “EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! I’VE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT THIS AREA IS GOING TO BE IN OUR SHOT.” Yes, reader, this was our big break. We were informed to “look natural” and “don’t look at the camera” (where the heck IS the camera anyway?) as soon as we heard “ROLLING, ROLLING, ROLLING.” And they took about ten different takes.
Reader, I NAILED it. I looked so gosh darn natural, it looked like I WAS a natural. I twirled my champagne, looked into M’s eyes, and pretended to say something witty. I’m sure they caught it ALL. Granted, M said we won’t be much more than a background blob, but hey, I had on a BRIGHT ORANGE shirt, so at least I’ll be able to pick out my part of the background blob.
I’ll be signing autographs this afternoon if anyone is interested. Just call my agent.
Now before you get too excited, let me explain. As you all saw from the previous post, my office building is being used for the Reese Witherspoon/Jack Nicholson/Owen Wilson/Paul Rudd movie currently being filmed in Washington, DC. Yesterday they started setting up for taping again, and this time they brought out the big guns. Lights EVERYWHERE. Literally, all over the block. Wardrobe rolled in. Director’s Trailer parked outside. Much more “stuff” than before. And taping was to begin that evening.
Being the naturally curious people that we are (cough cough), M and I decided that we would sit out on the patio at the restaurant next door to our office (Bobby Van’s) and “see what we could see” if you know what I mean. M studied film while in college, so he’s into the camera angles, etc etc etc. Let’s be honest though, people. I’m in to seeing the celebs. In case you hadn’t already figured that out. And in case I haven’t told you about my myriad of sightings. I know, I’m ridiculous. Whatever.
So we sat down on the patio in a prime “viewing” spot, ordered our drinks and…well, sat there. We watched really, really pissed off drivers trying to get around the massive light trucks. We saw them hose down the sidewalk (uh, what?) We saw attractive-looking people walk back and forth in front of us (apparently Paul Rudd stood right near our table, and I didn’t even notice…which a co-worker, who was also there, told me later). We watched big black SUVs pull up, then pull away. La dee da, what fun. M even saw the director (again, can you tell he actually cares about the “making” part of making a movie?)
Then, I think somewhere around the second drink, another big black SUV pulled up a couple yards in front of us. At this point it’s getting late so we know the “stars” are about to show up. And lo and behold, hopping out of the back of the SUV is cute, sweet Reese Witherspoon (and she is itsy bitsy). Hey, cool! And look, there’s Paul Rudd, who I actually recognize now! They’re making a movie!
So we began to wrap up our imbibing when we hear, “EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! I’VE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT THIS AREA IS GOING TO BE IN OUR SHOT.” Yes, reader, this was our big break. We were informed to “look natural” and “don’t look at the camera” (where the heck IS the camera anyway?) as soon as we heard “ROLLING, ROLLING, ROLLING.” And they took about ten different takes.
Reader, I NAILED it. I looked so gosh darn natural, it looked like I WAS a natural. I twirled my champagne, looked into M’s eyes, and pretended to say something witty. I’m sure they caught it ALL. Granted, M said we won’t be much more than a background blob, but hey, I had on a BRIGHT ORANGE shirt, so at least I’ll be able to pick out my part of the background blob.
I’ll be signing autographs this afternoon if anyone is interested. Just call my agent.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Top Five Things you Learn when You're Moving
5. The question "So when are you leaving, exactly?" makes you want to run and hide under a couch somewhere and cry.
No, really. I promise I will buy a plane with a big banner that says "M and E are leaving DC on XXXXX" (or some similar announcement) when we finally know. Believe me, I wish we did know. Shoot, I even have our "We've Moved!" cute little notices ready already! We're working on it, people! (And yes, I know you ask because you love us. We love you, too. It just stresses us- ok ME- out.)
4. Apparently the worlds of other people don't revolve around you.
Shocker, right? I'm pretty sure there's not a hiring manager in sight who has the same priority as me of "getting me a job as soon as possible". Haven't quite figured out why yet. OH wait. Probably because I am in no way a priority to them. Good lesson in humbleness, which I'm trying to take in...sort of.
3. Moving requires money.
Boxes cost money. Shipping peanuts cost money. Moving trucks cost money. Gas for said "gas-guzzling moving trucks" costs money. Apartments cost money. New parking stickers cost money. Should I go on?
2. You have a lot of crap.
I'm not talking about emotional baggage (though leaving a place- even for a little while- will make all sorts of emotions come out. Believe me). We're talking STUFF. Left-handed golf clubs that have not been used in probably 5 years (mine). Books from college (mine). Millions of picture frames (mine). Twenty different mixing bowls (mine). Millions of pairs of shoes (mine). Clothes you haven't worn in years (mine). I think there's a pattern developing...
1. You start to realize how much you're loved
Not to pull out the cheese on this one, but we have been overwhelmed by the love and good times we've been able to have with old and new friends alike. Maybe moving does something to you sort of like death (here comes the really bad analogy....) it makes you really value the time that you do have, and makes you want to strengthen bonds so that they are more likely to stay in place in the future (not sure how that works with the death analogy, but whatever). And you find out that people literally all around the country are praying for you, that they are hoping the best for you and, in our case, are hoping that we'll return to this community soon. And that really does make the tough times a little more bearable. Sniff, sniff.
No, really. I promise I will buy a plane with a big banner that says "M and E are leaving DC on XXXXX" (or some similar announcement) when we finally know. Believe me, I wish we did know. Shoot, I even have our "We've Moved!" cute little notices ready already! We're working on it, people! (And yes, I know you ask because you love us. We love you, too. It just stresses us- ok ME- out.)
4. Apparently the worlds of other people don't revolve around you.
Shocker, right? I'm pretty sure there's not a hiring manager in sight who has the same priority as me of "getting me a job as soon as possible". Haven't quite figured out why yet. OH wait. Probably because I am in no way a priority to them. Good lesson in humbleness, which I'm trying to take in...sort of.
3. Moving requires money.
Boxes cost money. Shipping peanuts cost money. Moving trucks cost money. Gas for said "gas-guzzling moving trucks" costs money. Apartments cost money. New parking stickers cost money. Should I go on?
2. You have a lot of crap.
I'm not talking about emotional baggage (though leaving a place- even for a little while- will make all sorts of emotions come out. Believe me). We're talking STUFF. Left-handed golf clubs that have not been used in probably 5 years (mine). Books from college (mine). Millions of picture frames (mine). Twenty different mixing bowls (mine). Millions of pairs of shoes (mine). Clothes you haven't worn in years (mine). I think there's a pattern developing...
1. You start to realize how much you're loved
Not to pull out the cheese on this one, but we have been overwhelmed by the love and good times we've been able to have with old and new friends alike. Maybe moving does something to you sort of like death (here comes the really bad analogy....) it makes you really value the time that you do have, and makes you want to strengthen bonds so that they are more likely to stay in place in the future (not sure how that works with the death analogy, but whatever). And you find out that people literally all around the country are praying for you, that they are hoping the best for you and, in our case, are hoping that we'll return to this community soon. And that really does make the tough times a little more bearable. Sniff, sniff.
Friday, June 19, 2009
My building is famous. Maybe I will be, too.
Yesterday around noon something strange started to happen at our office building. All of a sudden, I noticed someone putting up a bus stop outside of our office. “Uh, what?” I thought. “I wonder what bus line this is going to be? Horrible for traffic.” Then, about 2:30, I started to notice furniture appearing in our building lobby. Weird “doesn’t belong here” sort of furniture (pleather benches and large sofas. That do not belong in our 1920s beaux-arts office building). As a sidenote, I should say that my office building, The Bowen Building, really has quite a beautiful lobby. Black and white marble floors, beautiful wood paneling, all very high class. So what was with the bus stop and the tacky furniture?
When I finally left the office in the early evening, I stopped to ask the man vaccumming the carpet for the tenth time what exactly was going on.
Dude: “We’re filming a movie here.”
Me: “What movie?!” (trying not to act TOO excited-when it comes to celebrities, you have to act like you don’t care)
Dude: “It’s called ‘How Do You Know’ with Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson.”
(silence/crickets)
Me: “Here?”
Dude: “Uh, yeah.”
End of scene.
So reader, my office building is going to be famous!! Granted, they’ve covered up the part where it says our organization’s name, and the lobby is almost unrecognizable at this point. But this weekend and next, Hollywood’s brightest stars will converge on my humble (working) abode to film scenes for their movie. And I’m just a little bit proud.
Isn’t it just so unfortunate I’ll have to come into the office this weekend to get some work done? Maybe Jack Nicholson will buy me a coffee.
Note: the map above should not be used to mob Owen Wilson.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Overheard: Coco ain't happy
Ok, so it's another Overseen. Maybe I should just officially change it. I tell you what, the things a girl can see around this big ole city!
Yesterday I went over to Starbucks to spend $2.41 on a Venti, unsweet black iced tea, no water (yes, that's really what I order. Apparently so do 3 out of my 5 aunts on my mom's side. MJ and Elizabeth?) But before I ordered, as I was standing waiting, I saw this gem.
Ok, great, the Chanel logo. I wouldn't mind a nice, new Chanel suit...or shoes, or bag. But it wasn't an item of clothing or accesory.
It was a tattoo. Behind a girl's ear.
People, that just ain't right! One, the tattoo no doubt cost LESS than any one single Chanel item (minus the makeup. Their face mask is awesome, by the way.) Two, that just ain't classy. The Chanel logo was NOT MEANT to be drilled into your body in ink form. And three, do you think this woman would be happy at the sight of it?? She kind of scares me.
I'm pretty sure Coco Chanel is turning over in her chic-ly quilted grave right now as I write this...
Yesterday I went over to Starbucks to spend $2.41 on a Venti, unsweet black iced tea, no water (yes, that's really what I order. Apparently so do 3 out of my 5 aunts on my mom's side. MJ and Elizabeth?) But before I ordered, as I was standing waiting, I saw this gem.
Ok, great, the Chanel logo. I wouldn't mind a nice, new Chanel suit...or shoes, or bag. But it wasn't an item of clothing or accesory.
It was a tattoo. Behind a girl's ear.
People, that just ain't right! One, the tattoo no doubt cost LESS than any one single Chanel item (minus the makeup. Their face mask is awesome, by the way.) Two, that just ain't classy. The Chanel logo was NOT MEANT to be drilled into your body in ink form. And three, do you think this woman would be happy at the sight of it?? She kind of scares me.
I'm pretty sure Coco Chanel is turning over in her chic-ly quilted grave right now as I write this...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Who needs an alarm clock when you have a jackhammer?
This morning I was awoken by the beautiful noise of...a jackhammer. Yes, that's right, DC WASA (Water And Sewage Authority maybe?) is doing some sort of pipe improvement and, therefore, has to completely tear up our entire street which, in turn, means we have to find alternative parking AND apparently, we get to be awoken by jackhammers!!!!!! Good thing I'm not working from home this week.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The winter coat problem
Believe it or not, we really ARE moving to Chicago. Just don't ask when, where we'll live or what I'll be doing. Cuz we don't know.
In the meantime, I've been making lists of things that we'll need to do/buy/take, and the top of that list is: winter wear! Small problem. To me, this is winter wear:
In the meantime, I've been making lists of things that we'll need to do/buy/take, and the top of that list is: winter wear! Small problem. To me, this is winter wear:
When we were visiting in April, one of our friends said "I would love to go winter coat shopping with you!" To which I replied, looking down at my cute black car coat, "This IS my winter coat!" Apparently this will not suffice, however, in Chicago. The above is like a summer coat for them. More like an August coat. Great. I'm going to look like an eskimo. Or the Muffler Man. I'll spare you the picture.
So I've started to do some research on the best coat to get (ie ask friends who live where it's cold) and I've come up with the following as an absolute necessity: full-length, down North Face/LL Bean/Eddie Bauer/other outdoor place brand, probably in black. It needs to have a hood, and an extra layer to zip in or out is a bonus, too. We're not talking about a ski jacket (which I already have) or a little wool coat with one layer of lining (already have 3 of those). We're talking full on "looks like I'm wrapped in our down comforter five times" coat. And for it, I have to give the store our firstborn child. Oh and then I need for real boots (not like cutesy little furry ones) that I can stomp through the snow in. With five layers of socks. And my toes will probably still freeze. Fun times!!!!
I've also come to the realization that I will actually have to dry my hair before heading out to work (wherever that is) between the months of September and July. I've had a couple days here in DC where my hair started to freeze because I didn't take the time to dry it, but Chicago is like a whole new league of frozen hair. They are NOT kidding up there. And I would like to keep my long hair, thank you very much.
So it's slowly starting to sink in that winter might be just a wee bit more intense in Chicago than we're used to, having grown up in Texas and Florida. And to prepare, we're going to have to get coats, boots, gloves, scarves, wool socks, a couple cute new dresses, maybe a pair of heels or two and any other number of items. All for the sake of staying warm, of course.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Overheard: Oh the Irony!
This was just too good to pass up. But it's more an "overseen" rather than overheard...like you're not supposed to SEE it, but you happen to anyway. Story of my life.
I'm working from home this morning- and I WILL blog about why everyone should be able to work from home at some later point- and just ran over to a local coffee place to get a little breakfast (M, I promise this cost less than $5! We're on a budget, people.) So I ordered my iced tea and bagel- yes, I know how bad bagels are for you, but I really needed bread- and stood waiting for a minute.
Then this is what I saw.
A woman, probably in her mid-50s, staring at one of those itsy bitsy computers, which obviously wasn't plugged in and so the screen was slightly fuzzy and dark. Ok, so that's sort of silly. But then, here's the kicker. I realize SHE'S WEARING TWO PAIRS OF GLASSES!!!! Like on TOP of each other! Not like "flip up sunglasses". Honest to goodness READING GLASSES. Uh, what? One, I didn't know that works (mostly because I don't wear glasses, or contacts for that matter). Two, you're working on a TINY computer that's not even plugged in! Of course you can't see! And finally, do you know how absolutely ridiculous you look? True, she probably wasn't trying to be glamorous (the really old, worn t-shirt sort of gave that one away)....but why don't you just get glasses with a stronger...uh....strength thing? She looked absolutely ridiculous, as she squinted, and then brought her head like four inches away from the tiny screen.
It took everything in me to not bust out laughing...it was just too hilarious in that moment. But I didn't laugh, as that would be really rude. Sort of like the lady who yelled at me and said "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE! WE'RE MOVING!" To which I sweetly replied, "Well, your sign says 'No Parking starting at one pm' and it is currently 10:23 am and I will be gone in five minutes." And revved my engine (not really...at least the revving part. I'm not THAT obnoxious). Thank you very much and have a nice day.
I'm working from home this morning- and I WILL blog about why everyone should be able to work from home at some later point- and just ran over to a local coffee place to get a little breakfast (M, I promise this cost less than $5! We're on a budget, people.) So I ordered my iced tea and bagel- yes, I know how bad bagels are for you, but I really needed bread- and stood waiting for a minute.
Then this is what I saw.
A woman, probably in her mid-50s, staring at one of those itsy bitsy computers, which obviously wasn't plugged in and so the screen was slightly fuzzy and dark. Ok, so that's sort of silly. But then, here's the kicker. I realize SHE'S WEARING TWO PAIRS OF GLASSES!!!! Like on TOP of each other! Not like "flip up sunglasses". Honest to goodness READING GLASSES. Uh, what? One, I didn't know that works (mostly because I don't wear glasses, or contacts for that matter). Two, you're working on a TINY computer that's not even plugged in! Of course you can't see! And finally, do you know how absolutely ridiculous you look? True, she probably wasn't trying to be glamorous (the really old, worn t-shirt sort of gave that one away)....but why don't you just get glasses with a stronger...uh....strength thing? She looked absolutely ridiculous, as she squinted, and then brought her head like four inches away from the tiny screen.
It took everything in me to not bust out laughing...it was just too hilarious in that moment. But I didn't laugh, as that would be really rude. Sort of like the lady who yelled at me and said "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE! WE'RE MOVING!" To which I sweetly replied, "Well, your sign says 'No Parking starting at one pm' and it is currently 10:23 am and I will be gone in five minutes." And revved my engine (not really...at least the revving part. I'm not THAT obnoxious). Thank you very much and have a nice day.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
In Which I Realize I Know NOTHING About the Internets
I am apparently no Al Gore.*
The other day I was reading one of the fantastic blogs I follow (www.suburbanmatron.com – Hi Becky!) where the blogger (that’s the right lingo, yeah?) said something along the lines of knowing who reads her blog and how people arrived at her site. Uh, what? I want to be able to do that! So I set out to accomplish this very thing.
And then I realized I have no clue what I’m doing.
First of all, there’s some sort of Google Tool where you load your blog and then it gives you all these statistics. Um, what’s “google”? (Just kidding, I know that!) But really, you have to verify it by loading some sort of meta thing or html thing. Talk about a four-letter word I don’t use! What the heck are those things? And when I clicked on the directions, I found them equally confusing- I really, really obviously do NOT speak tech language. (Maybe I should stop applying to all those Webmaster jobs? Hmmm.) All I know is I type a little ditty, hit “post” and up it pops to hydeparkheroes. That’s IT. I know nothing else. Oh wait, I also know how to load a picture. See, there’s a picture.
*He invented the internet, right?
The other day I was reading one of the fantastic blogs I follow (www.suburbanmatron.com – Hi Becky!) where the blogger (that’s the right lingo, yeah?) said something along the lines of knowing who reads her blog and how people arrived at her site. Uh, what? I want to be able to do that! So I set out to accomplish this very thing.
And then I realized I have no clue what I’m doing.
First of all, there’s some sort of Google Tool where you load your blog and then it gives you all these statistics. Um, what’s “google”? (Just kidding, I know that!) But really, you have to verify it by loading some sort of meta thing or html thing. Talk about a four-letter word I don’t use! What the heck are those things? And when I clicked on the directions, I found them equally confusing- I really, really obviously do NOT speak tech language. (Maybe I should stop applying to all those Webmaster jobs? Hmmm.) All I know is I type a little ditty, hit “post” and up it pops to hydeparkheroes. That’s IT. I know nothing else. Oh wait, I also know how to load a picture. See, there’s a picture.
I probably screwed that up somehow, too.
Well THEN I realized that I don’t have to do that meta/html thing, because I’m on the Blogger host site (again, no idea if these terms are correct), which apparently has some big deal with Google where all you have to do is click a button and they will give you crawl something or other and other data with graphs and stuff. Whatever. What I REALLY want to know is who reads my blog. Because let’s be honest, we ALL follow blogs but never post anything on them because we are either insecure about what to say OR we can’t think of something witty and therefore will be judged by the other readers OR we don’t want anyone to actually have proof that we read that blog (Wonkette, anyone?) SO HOW DO I DO THIS? I found out that there are people who receive feeds of my blog, but I want to KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
So until I figure that out, I’m just going to assume that people actually ARE reading what I write-obviously- and that it makes them laugh (whether at me or with me, I’m not sure). And the reality is that even if there was a specific tool that listed out who reads our blog, where they’re from (Azerbaijan!) and what they’re doing at that very moment (get your finger out of your nose), I probably wouldn’t understand it anyways.
I am a tech-savvy person’s worst nightmare.
Well THEN I realized that I don’t have to do that meta/html thing, because I’m on the Blogger host site (again, no idea if these terms are correct), which apparently has some big deal with Google where all you have to do is click a button and they will give you crawl something or other and other data with graphs and stuff. Whatever. What I REALLY want to know is who reads my blog. Because let’s be honest, we ALL follow blogs but never post anything on them because we are either insecure about what to say OR we can’t think of something witty and therefore will be judged by the other readers OR we don’t want anyone to actually have proof that we read that blog (Wonkette, anyone?) SO HOW DO I DO THIS? I found out that there are people who receive feeds of my blog, but I want to KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
So until I figure that out, I’m just going to assume that people actually ARE reading what I write-obviously- and that it makes them laugh (whether at me or with me, I’m not sure). And the reality is that even if there was a specific tool that listed out who reads our blog, where they’re from (Azerbaijan!) and what they’re doing at that very moment (get your finger out of your nose), I probably wouldn’t understand it anyways.
I am a tech-savvy person’s worst nightmare.
*He invented the internet, right?
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
What would you say to the President?
Our good friend over at www.betterthanmachines.com works down near the new Nationals Stadium and missed meeting Obama by thismuch at the Five Guys across the street from where he works (you may have seen part of this on NBC last night). You don’t understand quite how shocking it is that our friend WASN’T there. But we’ll blog about hamburgers and our friend’s love for them later.
Our friend’s close encounter with the President, and the subsequent video he sent us of the scene, made M and I think about what we would say if we just happened to be ordering a burger next to the POTUS one day. We’ve both seen him in his motorcade, and the inauguration, and will undoubtedly see him walking out somewhere before we leave. But this is different. You have to be cool, you have to make an impression, and it would be AWESOME to make him laugh. “I made the President laugh everybody!” I would probably make a shirt that said that.
But here are a few rules: First of all, it would be completely inappropriate to harpoon him about some hot button political issue. Dude just wants to get a burger, people. That said, it would be really great to slide in a little witty comment about some sort of current issue. It’s a balance. Secondly, it would also be really awkward to ask him about something that you only know because the media follows his every move (such as that basketball he signed when he was doing that whole Brian Williams interview thing. WAY too much information. Or the fact that he plays with a Florida Gators football. Also only know that because you look at White House pictures. I mean, so I’ve heard.) You have to be cool enough to act like you know enough, but don’t follow his every step on people.com (actually, the only pseudo political star/person whose every step you can follow on people.com is Bristol Palin. Not kidding. Look it up.) Third, do NOT use acronyms. One, they’re way over used. Two, if anyone has too many acronyms spinning around in his head, it’s the POTUS. Unless you’re cool with the POTUS saying vaguely, “Oh, yeah, EITNDELIFS. You guys do great work.” Finally, do not show too much emotion one way or the other. COMPLETELY inappropriate to scream like you’ve seen a rock star. Also COMPLETELY inappropriate to throw your burger and fries on the ground and stomp out because you cannot imagine having to eat in the same place as that guy who you can’t stand (after which you drive off in your car that still has the McCain/Palin sticker on it, with the McCain part scraped off. Partly covered by a Jindal 2012 sticker).
Some of the people on the video were really, really awkward. One girl asked to take a picture and then said “We’re all the way from California!” Should we applaud you for that? (Speaking of which, the Governator was out in front of my office building the other day. As was the Newt. Not together. But anyway.) One guy asked POTUS if the job was what he thought it would be. POTUS responded that there were more problems than they ever knew there would be (scary) but that they had a good handle on them (nice save). Other people just sort of stood their awkwardly with huge grins on their faces.
So M and I talked through some of the things that WE would say if we found ourselves in a casual interaction, such as the one at Five Guys, with the President. Here’s what we’ve come up with:
* We’ve got a great deal for you on your house in Hyde Park… (see post below. This is not going to die, people)
*No really, can we rent it?
*So I’ve been looking for a really good American car. You know anybody?
*It would be really helpful if the leaders of North Korea weren’t all called Kim Jung, don’t you think?
*So about that house…
*Got $789 billion we can borrow? We’re totally good for it. Much better than China.
*Who do you like better: William Kristol or Peggy Noonan? Yeah, me neither.
This is just the beginning of a list that will no doubt grow. Feel free to add your own, following the rules above. And should we ever find ourselves eating a burger with Obama, we’ll definitely use at least one of them.
Our friend’s close encounter with the President, and the subsequent video he sent us of the scene, made M and I think about what we would say if we just happened to be ordering a burger next to the POTUS one day. We’ve both seen him in his motorcade, and the inauguration, and will undoubtedly see him walking out somewhere before we leave. But this is different. You have to be cool, you have to make an impression, and it would be AWESOME to make him laugh. “I made the President laugh everybody!” I would probably make a shirt that said that.
But here are a few rules: First of all, it would be completely inappropriate to harpoon him about some hot button political issue. Dude just wants to get a burger, people. That said, it would be really great to slide in a little witty comment about some sort of current issue. It’s a balance. Secondly, it would also be really awkward to ask him about something that you only know because the media follows his every move (such as that basketball he signed when he was doing that whole Brian Williams interview thing. WAY too much information. Or the fact that he plays with a Florida Gators football. Also only know that because you look at White House pictures. I mean, so I’ve heard.) You have to be cool enough to act like you know enough, but don’t follow his every step on people.com (actually, the only pseudo political star/person whose every step you can follow on people.com is Bristol Palin. Not kidding. Look it up.) Third, do NOT use acronyms. One, they’re way over used. Two, if anyone has too many acronyms spinning around in his head, it’s the POTUS. Unless you’re cool with the POTUS saying vaguely, “Oh, yeah, EITNDELIFS. You guys do great work.” Finally, do not show too much emotion one way or the other. COMPLETELY inappropriate to scream like you’ve seen a rock star. Also COMPLETELY inappropriate to throw your burger and fries on the ground and stomp out because you cannot imagine having to eat in the same place as that guy who you can’t stand (after which you drive off in your car that still has the McCain/Palin sticker on it, with the McCain part scraped off. Partly covered by a Jindal 2012 sticker).
Some of the people on the video were really, really awkward. One girl asked to take a picture and then said “We’re all the way from California!” Should we applaud you for that? (Speaking of which, the Governator was out in front of my office building the other day. As was the Newt. Not together. But anyway.) One guy asked POTUS if the job was what he thought it would be. POTUS responded that there were more problems than they ever knew there would be (scary) but that they had a good handle on them (nice save). Other people just sort of stood their awkwardly with huge grins on their faces.
So M and I talked through some of the things that WE would say if we found ourselves in a casual interaction, such as the one at Five Guys, with the President. Here’s what we’ve come up with:
* We’ve got a great deal for you on your house in Hyde Park… (see post below. This is not going to die, people)
*No really, can we rent it?
*So I’ve been looking for a really good American car. You know anybody?
*It would be really helpful if the leaders of North Korea weren’t all called Kim Jung, don’t you think?
*So about that house…
*Got $789 billion we can borrow? We’re totally good for it. Much better than China.
*Who do you like better: William Kristol or Peggy Noonan? Yeah, me neither.
This is just the beginning of a list that will no doubt grow. Feel free to add your own, following the rules above. And should we ever find ourselves eating a burger with Obama, we’ll definitely use at least one of them.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Love and Marriage
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a pretty avid reader of the New York Times Wedding Section (also the Style section, but that’s a blog post for another day.) I usually read the wedding section some time in my Monday morning routine, though every now and then it will be pushed to Tuesday or Wednesday (I am actually busy some days, after all). Having just helped a friend with her wedding this weekend, I’ve been in a particularly lovey-dovey sort of mood, waxing about love, companionship and the covenant of marriage. Or complaining about how much my feet hurt and how tired I am. Ah, young love.
Before I dive headlong into this, let me make it clear that I’m supportive of wedding announcements in newspapers (ie, I don’t think they’re morally wrong or vapid or whatever.) And I’m even supportive of the three page NYT Wedding Section (NYTWS from now on) lead stories, if they have good pictures (one of my coworkers had a FANTASTIC article and picture spread last summer), mostly because they give me something to read that isn’t a spreadsheet.
Sometimes the stories in the NYTWS are quite pathetic/boring/sad. There’s plenty of “the reason I’m in here is because my dad was somebody” sort of stories, and there are also quite a lot of “it was the twentieth marriage for both of us, but we knew this was the one that would last.” You might want to reconsider that statement, honey. I also remember a couple weeks ago there was a lady who wore a Project Runway candy bar wrapper dress (remember that episode?) and got married (maybe for the third time?) at Dylan’s Candy Bar. Creative, that’s for sure. And oh the pictures. Man, I love them. It’s like eating drugs to me. But I’m always sad (no, really) when they only have one really fuzzy or awkward picture of the couple. And a picture of a big crowd of people? That should only be used for blog posts about a White House protest. See below. We want to see dresses, location and jewels, people!
In this week’s section, two things stood out to me.
First, was this little remark:
“Mr. Rizvi changed tactics in the summer of 2007. He sent her a pink iPod on which he had installed 40 songs that reminded him of her and their relationship, and he had inscribed “I hope the juice is worth the squeeze” on the back of the device.
“It was the most thoughtful, touching thing that anyone had ever done for me,” she said.”
WHAT? THAT was the most “thoughtful, touching thing” that anyone had ever done for you? How about a romantic dinner out somewhere with fantastic wine, or a weekend getaway or long vacation or just a home-cooked meal, snuggled up on the couch together? The songs, I will give her, are a nice gesture, (though 40 songs barely covers 2 hours, and I hope there’s more than just 2 hours of songs that make him think about you). But an ipod with a horrible quote? First, an ipod is not thoughtful or romantic. It’s a mass-produced, over-exposed technical device. That I very much appreciate during the work day, which means it therefore cannot be thoughtful or touching. AND, if someone had made that orange/squeeze/juice comment to me I would have slapped him for being fresh (ha ha, get it? Fresh? Juice?) because it just SOUNDS wrong. Wow. Girl needs to get out more! I guess we all have different views on what’s thoughtful and touching. This would not be one for me.
Secondly, there’s all the short wedding announcements that come after the big two or three page story. They usually read something like this, accompanied by a close-up of the couple:
“Jane and John were married on Saturday in an unrecognizable church, by their friend who became a certified minister over the internet for the occasion. Jane, of Somewhere, US, is the daughter of Bob, a contractor with xxx and a graduate of xxx and Susan, an investment specialist with xxx. John, of Somewhere-else, US, is the son of Joe, an xxx with xxx and Betty, an xxx with xxx.”
First, let’s discuss the “friend certified over the internet” thing. Um, that’s weird to me. And is there a section for this on theknot.com? If not, they need to tap into it. I’m thinking a little tab that says “How a friend can serve as a priest or justice of the peace without being religious or studying law.” And the unrecognizable denomination? Hmmm. When did there become a church called “Mystical Transformation and Peace Pipe Union of Universal Love and Hope”? I don’t think they have any of those here in DC. Must be European.
Next, let’s talk about announcing where your parents work. When did THAT become a part of wedding announcements? Has it been like this for a while and I just missed it? And if so, why does it matter? I can understand the whole “where people are from” part (so many people get married in places where they didn’t grow up, me included, and I believe a person’s sense of “where they’re from” makes a real difference in their life), but who really cares what your parents do? Or where they went to school for that matter, especially since they graduated like 100 years ago? It seems to be a round-about way of being snobby and/or stuck up, by announcing you went to some prestigious school or work for somebody really important. And God knows wedding announcements are NOT the place to do that.
Cough cough. Wink wink.
Before I dive headlong into this, let me make it clear that I’m supportive of wedding announcements in newspapers (ie, I don’t think they’re morally wrong or vapid or whatever.) And I’m even supportive of the three page NYT Wedding Section (NYTWS from now on) lead stories, if they have good pictures (one of my coworkers had a FANTASTIC article and picture spread last summer), mostly because they give me something to read that isn’t a spreadsheet.
Sometimes the stories in the NYTWS are quite pathetic/boring/sad. There’s plenty of “the reason I’m in here is because my dad was somebody” sort of stories, and there are also quite a lot of “it was the twentieth marriage for both of us, but we knew this was the one that would last.” You might want to reconsider that statement, honey. I also remember a couple weeks ago there was a lady who wore a Project Runway candy bar wrapper dress (remember that episode?) and got married (maybe for the third time?) at Dylan’s Candy Bar. Creative, that’s for sure. And oh the pictures. Man, I love them. It’s like eating drugs to me. But I’m always sad (no, really) when they only have one really fuzzy or awkward picture of the couple. And a picture of a big crowd of people? That should only be used for blog posts about a White House protest. See below. We want to see dresses, location and jewels, people!
In this week’s section, two things stood out to me.
First, was this little remark:
“Mr. Rizvi changed tactics in the summer of 2007. He sent her a pink iPod on which he had installed 40 songs that reminded him of her and their relationship, and he had inscribed “I hope the juice is worth the squeeze” on the back of the device.
“It was the most thoughtful, touching thing that anyone had ever done for me,” she said.”
WHAT? THAT was the most “thoughtful, touching thing” that anyone had ever done for you? How about a romantic dinner out somewhere with fantastic wine, or a weekend getaway or long vacation or just a home-cooked meal, snuggled up on the couch together? The songs, I will give her, are a nice gesture, (though 40 songs barely covers 2 hours, and I hope there’s more than just 2 hours of songs that make him think about you). But an ipod with a horrible quote? First, an ipod is not thoughtful or romantic. It’s a mass-produced, over-exposed technical device. That I very much appreciate during the work day, which means it therefore cannot be thoughtful or touching. AND, if someone had made that orange/squeeze/juice comment to me I would have slapped him for being fresh (ha ha, get it? Fresh? Juice?) because it just SOUNDS wrong. Wow. Girl needs to get out more! I guess we all have different views on what’s thoughtful and touching. This would not be one for me.
Secondly, there’s all the short wedding announcements that come after the big two or three page story. They usually read something like this, accompanied by a close-up of the couple:
“Jane and John were married on Saturday in an unrecognizable church, by their friend who became a certified minister over the internet for the occasion. Jane, of Somewhere, US, is the daughter of Bob, a contractor with xxx and a graduate of xxx and Susan, an investment specialist with xxx. John, of Somewhere-else, US, is the son of Joe, an xxx with xxx and Betty, an xxx with xxx.”
First, let’s discuss the “friend certified over the internet” thing. Um, that’s weird to me. And is there a section for this on theknot.com? If not, they need to tap into it. I’m thinking a little tab that says “How a friend can serve as a priest or justice of the peace without being religious or studying law.” And the unrecognizable denomination? Hmmm. When did there become a church called “Mystical Transformation and Peace Pipe Union of Universal Love and Hope”? I don’t think they have any of those here in DC. Must be European.
Next, let’s talk about announcing where your parents work. When did THAT become a part of wedding announcements? Has it been like this for a while and I just missed it? And if so, why does it matter? I can understand the whole “where people are from” part (so many people get married in places where they didn’t grow up, me included, and I believe a person’s sense of “where they’re from” makes a real difference in their life), but who really cares what your parents do? Or where they went to school for that matter, especially since they graduated like 100 years ago? It seems to be a round-about way of being snobby and/or stuck up, by announcing you went to some prestigious school or work for somebody really important. And God knows wedding announcements are NOT the place to do that.
Cough cough. Wink wink.
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