What would you say to the President?

Our good friend over at www.betterthanmachines.com works down near the new Nationals Stadium and missed meeting Obama by thismuch at the Five Guys across the street from where he works (you may have seen part of this on NBC last night). You don’t understand quite how shocking it is that our friend WASN’T there. But we’ll blog about hamburgers and our friend’s love for them later.

Our friend’s close encounter with the President, and the subsequent video he sent us of the scene, made M and I think about what we would say if we just happened to be ordering a burger next to the POTUS one day. We’ve both seen him in his motorcade, and the inauguration, and will undoubtedly see him walking out somewhere before we leave. But this is different. You have to be cool, you have to make an impression, and it would be AWESOME to make him laugh. “I made the President laugh everybody!” I would probably make a shirt that said that.

But here are a few rules: First of all, it would be completely inappropriate to harpoon him about some hot button political issue. Dude just wants to get a burger, people. That said, it would be really great to slide in a little witty comment about some sort of current issue. It’s a balance. Secondly, it would also be really awkward to ask him about something that you only know because the media follows his every move (such as that basketball he signed when he was doing that whole Brian Williams interview thing. WAY too much information. Or the fact that he plays with a Florida Gators football. Also only know that because you look at White House pictures. I mean, so I’ve heard.) You have to be cool enough to act like you know enough, but don’t follow his every step on people.com (actually, the only pseudo political star/person whose every step you can follow on people.com is Bristol Palin. Not kidding. Look it up.) Third, do NOT use acronyms. One, they’re way over used. Two, if anyone has too many acronyms spinning around in his head, it’s the POTUS. Unless you’re cool with the POTUS saying vaguely, “Oh, yeah, EITNDELIFS. You guys do great work.” Finally, do not show too much emotion one way or the other. COMPLETELY inappropriate to scream like you’ve seen a rock star. Also COMPLETELY inappropriate to throw your burger and fries on the ground and stomp out because you cannot imagine having to eat in the same place as that guy who you can’t stand (after which you drive off in your car that still has the McCain/Palin sticker on it, with the McCain part scraped off. Partly covered by a Jindal 2012 sticker).

Some of the people on the video were really, really awkward. One girl asked to take a picture and then said “We’re all the way from California!” Should we applaud you for that? (Speaking of which, the Governator was out in front of my office building the other day. As was the Newt. Not together. But anyway.) One guy asked POTUS if the job was what he thought it would be. POTUS responded that there were more problems than they ever knew there would be (scary) but that they had a good handle on them (nice save). Other people just sort of stood their awkwardly with huge grins on their faces.

So M and I talked through some of the things that WE would say if we found ourselves in a casual interaction, such as the one at Five Guys, with the President. Here’s what we’ve come up with:

* We’ve got a great deal for you on your house in Hyde Park… (see post below. This is not going to die, people)

*No really, can we rent it?

*So I’ve been looking for a really good American car. You know anybody?

*It would be really helpful if the leaders of North Korea weren’t all called Kim Jung, don’t you think?

*So about that house…

*Got $789 billion we can borrow? We’re totally good for it. Much better than China.

*Who do you like better: William Kristol or Peggy Noonan? Yeah, me neither.

This is just the beginning of a list that will no doubt grow. Feel free to add your own, following the rules above. And should we ever find ourselves eating a burger with Obama, we’ll definitely use at least one of them.